Saturday, June 28, 2014

For The Love Of Larder Beetles- Chapter One

Romance

It was the beginning of April when we decided to find each other… inside a house. My parents always spoke of this house as if it were the equivalent of heaven; food, Water and plenty of wood. Faintly I smelt the decaying odors of insects and squirrels. Even some dropped morsels. I couldn't take it; I had to investigate. So I helplessly blundered into this unknown house; I was small enough to fit through the siding and cracks. Dad was right; I found a glorious amount of food in the wall of the house. As well as an array of other insects who where all talking about these mammoth things they called “humans”. These humans all had a single goal: to squash us; thus ending our lives.

I would have been horrified; but there were always the spiders that ate guys like us. Then I saw her and it made all life matter disappear. All sense of brains left my head as I found my self-signing up for a competition against the humans and the object was not to get squashed. You know how the saying goes “love can make you do crazy things.” Well this was the coup de grace of stupidity I've ever seen my self sink low enough to do. I didn't even know her name…

But pretty soon I was filed out their on the bedroom floor right after the centipede. The human didn't even notice the centipede; she was watching this really noisy screeching light box. I ran across the floor with my heart in my throat and lucked out. At the other side of the room; I could hear cheers where I ran. They were happy I made it across the floor. As a victory they all feast; I looked back to where I ran from and hoped that she would be there. I was going to run back to the other side to say hello to the young maiden. But I was whisked away to something the humans called a “trash bin.” Before I knew it; I found my self being carried up the wall where the DROPPED me into this big black hole. I tried to dispatch my wings and flutter them as my body hurled towards this unknown universe. But all it did was soften the blow as I landed on a pile of zesty decaying matter. Is this what they meant by “feast?”

My mind was taken away as I swam through the rotten stinking matter collected in this wondrous hole humans called a trash bin. I don’t even remember hearing the others shouting not to go too far because this was the night this hole was transported to another world. I smelt really eroding rotten matter the deeper I went. I hit the bottom of the hole and started munching on a rotting fish tail. Suddenly I felt a shake just like an earthquake and my eyes widened. I panicked and chewed a hole through the bag as I fell onto the ground I ran around desperately trying to find the exit; but I couldn't climb walls and I sure as shooting couldn't fly that high. I was trapped helplessly and everything went silent. I could see my life flash before my very eyes. This was the end of my little life; the human had spotted me and was going to squash me.

In the process of five minutes I was scooped up in a small tunnel and was trapped. I panicked more trying to find a way out. But there was even a wall on the top of this container. That was it; the human was going to pin me like my father had told me about before. I kept running around the small compartment for hours until I just gave up in escaping and waited for death.

It was a day later my compartment had been picked up. Now three humans were staring at me and I gulped. What where they going to do with me? I couldn't quite understand what they were saying and I think if they could understand me; I’d be outside by now. But again I was set down for another grueling four hours as one of the humans just sat there staring at a light box and me. I finally decided to take a nap for the day.

All of a sudden I felt my self tumbling down the container into a different larger terrain. It was mostly smooth; but as I explored it. There was a small dome, a damp patch and… FOOD! I ran as fast across this new heavenly spot and began to chow on this delicious salty delicacy that had been left here all for me. This was every insects dreams; a huge home with delicacies outside. This was what I was afraid of?

It must have been a week I was truly living the life. This was my bachelor’s pad. My fitting home for a possible suitor and my future kids. Boy, was I ever in for a surprise.

It was the next week and I was all settled in; strutting around this mansion given to me when all of a sudden something was dumped in my area. At first I was afraid it was a predator; so I approached cautiously. But as I came closer I saw something that completely pissed me off. It was she, the one I thought was so beautiful and he on top of her.
I ran over there so fast and knocked him off of her.

“ Let me show you how it’s really done!” I had screamed out in anger.

“I’m sorry, Bernadette. He’s too big for me to knock off.” The other much smaller male said comfortingly in a sad and small voice.

Written 6/28/2014 @ 10:30pm by Feenie Thompson
( stay tuned for chapter two of this epic idea and pleas be patient )

Friday, June 27, 2014

Larder Beetle Cycle Complete

Now I know that if my Larder Beetles Larvae get antsy like this:
It means they need a block of wood to barrow into.
 and after a month of waiting; you get to see a little shiny
shell in the hole.
and when  it feels safe enough to come out of the hole and join the world.
and you're excited to have ventured through and witnessed a whole life cycle.
you are freaking surprised it's so HUGE. Then you get over it
and let it have brunch with it's father.
and enjoy watching their first meeting.

(note there will not be names for these three until Monday)

How To Decipher a Bunny Rabbit?

As in my previous post; their are only a few ways to decipher  a hare.
First; you're going to want to determine climate, size and shape.
you can take a picture if you are quiet and don't run after the poor thing.

For me this picture is suitable for scrutiny. 
Hare
From: North Eastern America
Size: Tiny; Possible Baby, Gamecube sized
Habitat:  Large Leafy Shrubbery.
Eating Habits: Clovers and Insects
Color: Grayish-Brown
Okay; this is a good observation and picture.
but it's always good to take more then one photo.
 You never know what details you could missing.
For this hair; the possibilities have dwindles down to
two possible answers.
The New England Cottontail Rabbit
or
The Easter Cottontail Rabbit.
So how do I tell which one is which?
Easy.
Research states that:

"New England cottontails are virtually identical to eastern cottontails. The only way to tell them apart unequivocally is to view skull characteristics or by DNA analysis."

I do not kill animals to decipher them so i'll go withe cranium.

 "Generally, New England cottontails have slightly shorter ears and smaller bodies."

well I did say it was gamecube sized; but it might be a baby.... no good.

 "New England cottontails have a black spot between their ears 90% of the time (compared to 40% in eastern)."
Hmmm... it doesn't look like it has a black spot anywhere...

 "They always lack a white spot on the forehead (eastern has the white spot 43% of the time), and they have a black line on the front edge of the ear 95% of the time (easterns 40%)"
AHA! I've figured it out!
 it's an Eastern Cottontail Rabbit.
Look at that nice white dot.

Wish you well on figuring out your bunny rabbit.


Easter Cottontail or New England Cottontail Rabbit

Remember this adorable gamecube sized hare.
It turns out their are two species that are common in Connecticut.
The New England Cottontail Rabbit- which is on the endangered species list
and The Eastern Cottontail Rabbit- which is common and not threatened.
These two species closely resemble each other so much that it is next to
impossible to tell the difference. Unless you have a close view of the head.
  Or DNA work; but why capture a tiny little bunny rabbit just to collect a
blood sample? seriously? just let it live outside.
enjoy these magnificent works of art chow down in your front yard as you take 
pictures if you are quiet and don't advance towards it.
you could feed it vegetables; but chances are that it already has a plethora
of food sources outside.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Baby the Bunny

unfortunately I would embellish a little on this
adorable tiny wild baby bunny the size of a
game cube in length and height.
But I don't feel to happy enough to totally
sock out a wonderful post about these endangered
hares.
So meet Baby the wild bunny rabbit in my front yard.
( New England Cottontail Rabbit ) 


Monday, June 23, 2014

Public Service Anouncement

Do you remember that little critter you saw hiding behind the self in the bathroom?
the ones that looked like this:
well here's some advice:
DON'T WAIT!
summon all your strength up not to be squeamish and
catch that insect in a jar.
find a REMOTE field far away from any house and set it free.
or keep them in a fish tank.

Don't wait for this to happen.
because those few holes can turn into these holes.
and pupae burrow into almost anything. They make holes
like these and although it would be easy to stick a needle in 
the hole to kill it and remove it from the hole.
i don't condone killing unless infested.

I don't recommend sticking a needle in the hole because it could be 
 something else.

one way to tell a Larder Beetle larvae is the one in the hole is if
you have good eye site and  either see the little hairs or run your
finger two milometers away from the hole and across it. the special
sensory hairs on it's body lets it know what's immediately around it
and if it's burrowing it will wiggle inside the hole.
but you have to catch it before the
so to prevent infestation; pleas catch the beetle before
it makes a cocoon.
pupae cocoons look like this and usually have a point.
They are hardened and don't wiggle.
they also tend to hand out of the holes as some point.


so pleas every one; if you find a Larder ( Bacon ) beetle in your home;
the responsible thing to do is bring the adult Larder Beetle to a remote
unused vacant lot that's not near houses and set them free.

Small Update

Meet Marowak

Marowak decided he/she was going to burrow into
a peace of bone. This is why i decided to name it
Marowak.
Marrowak is going to be sent to my boyfriend
through the mail by one or two day shipping.

in other news; i've decided to put the clear plastic sole of a
kid's shoe in the thank with the remaining seven Larder Beetles.
some websites say that they'll burrow into almost anything.

if they do burrow into it. i'll take a picture of the process if the hole is clear.


Thursday, June 19, 2014

Guess what I found?

It was crawling around in the tub
super large mammoth insect
(at least for it's kind)
it's a long beetle kind of insect.
doesn't bite.
it can fly if it wants to.
any guesses?
here's a picture for a clue
 Now you feel like an entomologist
trying to decipher a fuzzy picture
here's a curtail clue:
it clicks when it's upside down and flips in the air.
that's right!
See how important it is to describe the mannerism of
the insect before requesting a query?
Last night i found this mammoth sized clicking beetle
in our bathroom.
it measured in at one inch which is almost the size of  a nickel.

another thing to note is that bigger bugs like this require larger 
"walls" or else they can climb out.
and watch out for beetles like this which  can fly.
this particular one took flight into the air and dropped
on the floor and scurried under my hope chest.
in which i had to move my hope chest to catch it again.
of course i took  a few pictures to show my epic
detour with this insect.
but the best thing was shooting my first video release.
enjoy!

For The Love Of Larder Beetles...


Hello; my name is Feenie and I have decided upon writing this story so that I could express the common fears, pros and cons of a Larder Beetle and other insects in a human world. Too many people in the world today kill insects just cause they see them inside a building or house. It is time to rise against our fears and conquer our little scurrying insects in a different way. It has been my life-long practice to capture and remove insects unless i was infested. Just because you see one insect or arachnid doesn't mean there’s an infestation. With this said; get ready for an in depth adventure through the eyes of a Larder Beetle or so, how I envision it. Welcome to the eyes of an insect and an elaborate explanation for their inhabitants. As always; pleas remember that insects a living and breathing. Bring them back outside.

Special thanks:

To my parents and brother who vary between squishing and releasing. My Mom who's always enthusiastic of my find and my dad who supports me. My brother who has arachnophobia and is some time still kind enough to catch them and bring them outside.

To my friends who support my growing fads and  and find my interests interesting and enjoy my photos and details of characteristics of the Larder Beetle.

To my boyfriend; Manny who brings out the comedy of Larder Beetles by calling the aliens because they're carnivorous and eat rotten meat. for supporting and enjoying how I write even though he isn't fond of insects.

To Eric; an entomologist I admire for answering all my curious questions and inspiring me to raise my herd of Larder Beetles.

Written 6/19/2014 @ 2:22am by Feenie Thompson
( stay tuned for chapter one of this epic idea and pleas be patient ) 

Meet Herman

Meet Herman
He is the last surviving of the trio that originally started
my fad and love for these handsome Larder Beetles.
I have separated him from the larvae who apparently
ate the other male Larder beetle.

the female larder beetle died the night I also separated her
from the larvae and I let Herman mourn for her as he
clearly did.
Sense I have been paying more attention to Herman
because the larvae are going into pupae stage and will
remain dormant for some time.
So; I've been using Herman as a sort of crawling therapy.
I figure if I let him crawl on me; I might get rid of that
annoying creepy feeling that gives me the hebe-gee-bees.
 Plus; who couldn't fall for such a timid, shy and cute 
face like this one?
absolutely adorable!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Update

Finally caught up to my writing except for a few i'm working on. hope everyone enjoys my stories and articles. now i can focus on my other stories and larder beetle updates ^^

Cyber Bullying

Hello, My name is Siren. At least that’s what you know me as. Reaching deep into the world of cyber space, I will show you what it is like to be bullied. Oh, I’m sorry. You misread my sentence. What I meant to say is I will show you some awesome facts about how computer “life” is not all fun and games.

In Cyber Space, there are many rooms made for people like me to chat. Among those rooms are the fight rooms. Now let me explain. When I got into this five years ago, there was only one fight room. In that room there was a group of people who just wanted to let off some steam. Back then it wasn’t serious, we all did it for fun and everyone that came in knew this about the fight room (we’d tell them this of course). So how or why did it have to come to this?

Sources point to the history of our roots, the roots of fight room that is. Most of the Fight Room “veterans” came from Yahoo. Yes, a little messenger started this whole (excuse my French) shit and caboodle. There was a fight room in yahoo chat room option where people could spend countless hours releasing their frustrations. But it soon became tiresome to “raise your hand” and wait in line, plus people were dropping packets that would kick us off yahoo. I’ll get to packets in a minute. So most of us decided to venture further out into the great world of cyber space.
 
What? You want to know where on earth did we go, right? We went to Stickam; a social bug website we thought was cool and free from hackers -- or so we thought. A fight room was created named simply “Fightroom 18+” with simple rules like: mute your microphone when you are not talking, no pedophilia talk or bringing a child on cam in the fight room and no spamming. I trust you know what spamming  is; in case you don’t see the footnote.

This is where I came in. Five years ago I joined Stickam. I ventured into the fight room and found a group of people to talk to:  Beast, Mofo, Mystek, Grim, Crow, Raw, Ben, Randy, Conky, Mung, Rage, Rippa, Chevy, PoPo, Mangusu, London, Bubba, Syn and Boogie were all my friends. Then came the idea for Crews and quicker then you can blink there were at least two main crews: The Zodiacs (The crew I was a member of) and The xXxtreme. This may seem like gang activity, but we were all cool with each other. We all gathered in the same room and fought with one another. Until The Zodiacs started to Claim a “win” by kicking their competitors out of the room. This marked the beginning of a Crew War. The xXxtreme team made a new room for themselves. This is also the time I finally could be recruited into the Zodiacs; only to watch them helplessly abandon me. They all went in different directions. The Crew was handed over to Ben and quickly floundered.

After that I abandoned Stickam for a month and came back. The Zodiacs were returning, this time ran by Beast, Raw and Ben. I was offered my tag back, but I politely refused. I stayed in contact with Beast more frequently and Raw some of the time. I would come in to “font fuck “ once in a while. Being called a “font fucker” is supposed to be an insult. But in some cases, if you are as good as I was, it was a compliment.

Years went by and I made no effort to join a crew. But I watched as the fight room went from our fun loving stress relief to a quickly growing serious problem.

WARNING: if you are squeamish or easily angered to the point of your blood pressure shooting through the roof, I strongly urg you not to read the next portion of this article. Proceed with caution.



Meet April: The leader of this new crew called the Mvps. This, folks, is where the crews on Stickam begin to crash and burn into nothing more than online gangs. The Mvps are a new group of older people who want to be like the original Fight Room Society. But they lack the common sense to uphold the rules and they cannot figure out the difference between Cyber Space and Reality.
Sure it seems real when I come at you with an insult like: You’re a Cam Hoe! But there is no need to bring real people like family into the situation or even worse, bring  Internet issues into real life. Here is a prime example.


 (April’s posts are highlighted in green. Other’s names were erased to protect identity.)


Meet the Co-Owner of the Mvp room; Weedman or more commonly know by his name Matt. He is April’s “booty call.” They are both supposedly married, yet they cheat on their spouses with each other. But that’s not as serious as what I’ve heard about this character. He has bragged about getting a woman drunk and pulling her pants down; jizzing on her back side. My friend has told me of the time he grabbed a drunken guy off the streets and took him in his house and beat him within an inch of his life.

About a year ago my friend, Synfully Wicked, was threatened by Matt via the Fight Room. After Syn dropped her tag, April and Matt were enraged to the point that Matt had threatened to send a “nigger ” to her house to rape and kill her child. Later. Syn had purchased a ticket to a concert and while she was gone, an African American man had tried to break into her home while her daughter was there. Only to meet the family dog and had be chased away by the dog.

Precisely six months ago, Syn and Artsy (another of my friends) were threatened again, this time targeting Artsy. When her microphone was open in the room, she received a call from an unknown person. The person threatened her on the telephone. From that point on the shrills and screams I heard from Artsy are and will always be the most horrible sounds I ever heard. She wasn’t hurt or anything, she was angered that they were threatening to hurt her family. So much that after hanging up the phone, she punched a hole in the door and broke a knuckle.

As well as my friends, I have had my fair share of threats in the past. When a person named FM was running for student body,  I left a message on a site that informed the people how he had been nude on camera and how he always brags about punching people with his fist and knocking them out. I wrote that I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea for this person to be around children. The next day I received a threat in my inbox about my comment.



I chose not to respond to this threat or report it because it wasn’t worth the hassle. After all it was just the Internet, right? This character followed me around on the web. But nothing more came from the threat.



Recently a long time “friend” who used to be named Mystek and is now Black Velvet has finally shown her true colors. I say “finally”  because I had been expecting it from her for quite some time. I had been told many times that she was two-faced and a liar. As expected she followed the crowd and turned on me. After making a sexual comment about me, I replied she was a pedophile because I was so much younger then her and that it was just plain sick. After posting this message, I received this pm in which I have screen capped   the beginning of her message to me. Where she has clearly stated that I am some sort of target. I stated later in the conversation that I had screen capped the beginning of the conversation and was more then willing to press charges. Later that night I talked with my friends about the happenings (they are much older and wiser then me) and we agreed that this threat was just a bluff due to the character considered in the situation.

Although the Fight Rooms are generally and strictly eighteen and older rooms, what commonly floods the room are people who get nude on camera. Here, let me give you an example for making in this far in my article! Did you really think I would show you profanity in an article? Get real! But yes, there are a lot of people who get naked and those who do more then just getting naked, if you get my drift.

Also among these are -- yep, you guessed it! -- those famous hackers from Yahoo. They journeyed their way to Stickam to do just what they’re capable of doing: planting packets in the rooms to make them crash. A  “packet” is a group of text that “adjusts” the Stickam chat rooms. Some packets can continuously remove everyone from a room, change the text, freeze or lag you out of a room and make a window pop up with anything you want. Some of these people are not real hackers. We call them Script Kitties  because they can script a packet.

Again a new “Fight Room” has been created in the great world of Sticki. This time the rules have been carelessly thrown out the window. When I had asked why a lady had her kid on cam in the fight room, one person said, “We are not the mvp room.” And another stated, “ We are not the losers room.”
I replied that no rules would lead to hectic situations just like the mvp room. I told them that that room would only fail because of its lack of authority. Also that the rules had been passed down from the original fight room and that if the original fight room is a “loser” room then we must all be losers as well because we are a fourth or fifth generation fight room group and they paved the path we walk on. I was removed from the room for that comment and have no intentions of going into anymore fight rooms again.

So let’s recap:  The fight room originated on Yahoo, Moved to Stickam, was a fun stress reliever, started a war, turned into a serious problem, created two virtual “Bonnie and Clyde” stooges, is now a stress filled environment that includes sexual content, threats that turn into real life altercations, script kitties and to top it all off, some times under aged people are not noticed in this room.
You thought wrong when you thought that the only thing you had to worry about was sexual predators on the Internet or that a simple chat room on a website was absolutely safe for your child to hang out in. I’m twenty-two. My friends are older then you and me read what happened to them. This is just the Internet, right? If I’m not safe, your child certainly isn’t safe.

I leave you with a strict warning. Stay away from the fight rooms, any fight room. Too many people take these meant to be “shits and giggles” insults to heart, they become too personal and can’t tell the difference between real life and the computer.
I urge you to at least talk to your child or young adult about these situations and reassure them that they can come to you if they are threatened. For your safety, I recommend you learn to screen cap and record. An even better choice would be to avoid fight rooms. These are dangerous places filled with cyber bullies.

Confessions Of A Tender Heart

One of my last projects in my sophomore art class was to make a self-portrait. I was sent to the next room and walked in curiously. A tall man with salt and pepper hair stood with his back to me washing his hands in the sink at the back of the room.

          “Hello? I need to use the light table,” I said.

          The man turned around and smiled. I could now see that he wore oval-shaped glasses and thought how they just seemed to add to his character.

          “Hello, the light table is over here.” He pointed to a small white table in the corner of the room.

          For the remainder of that year, I completed my project in his room.
          “ Mr. Herman?” I asked him one day as I finished up my self-portrait. “My brother won’t teach me how to use Adobe Photo shop. Is there a class I could possibly take next year?”

            “Yes, we do have a class that teaches Adobe Photoshop.” Mr. Herman explained. “ But it only lasts two semesters.”

I smiled, “ Thank you, Mr. Herman!”

            It was now the beginning of my junior year in high school. I walked into a room that was vaguely familiar. It was Mr. Herman’s classroom. Only the room was moved around just a tad.  There was a podium in front of a group of tables.

            “Pleas sign your name on the chart and class will begin,” Mr. Herman said.

            So I took out a pen from my book bag and signed the chart that was being passed around.

            “What do you think CS stands for?” Mr. Herman asked. He stood in front at the podium and smiled at the students sitting at the tables.

            One of them raised a hand and said, “Counter Strike?”

            Laughter rippled around the round. Counter Strike, at that time, was the most popular computer game to play. Even Mr. Herman found this answer funny and laughed.

            “CS is the official Computer Language computers use amongst each other to communicate.”

            As the day progressed Mr. Herman explained how computers used numbers to communicate with each other instead of words.  Later on enduring the class, we had a choice of the computer we would use to do our work and so began my relationship with Mr. Herman. I picked the seat furthest from him and closest to the door.

            “Class, your project is to create a moving truck in Flash,” Mr. Herman told us the began his the next morning. He then explained how most web sites used Flash in the interface their web site.

            I followed the instructions, but Flash was more complicated and hard to work on. I pushed it away and worked on another project. I began to talk more to Mr. Herman, about little things like how the cutting machine worked.

            I’m not talking about a tiny cutting board. I’m talking about a huge machine that cut stacks of one hundred fifty to two hundred fifty pieces of paper at a time. But the paper-cutting machine didn’t have a safety device to keep it from cutting off any stray fingers. Later on in the year, Mr. Herman had one installed.

            As the year progressed and I asked my questions about the equipment in Mr. Herman’s room we became closer to one another. Some of my projects were excused just because I helped Mr. Herman complete some of his daily tasks. I began to enjoy the moments I spent just talking to him, and found every way possible to spend the most amount of time in his class.

            Later on in the year, I bought myself a new laptop. This came in handy for the second portion of my junior year and the Adobe Photoshop class that taught us how to manipulate photos. This was the class I had been waiting for and I already had Adobe Photoshop installed onto my laptop and a USB flash drive to transport my work. 
Listening and intently watching during Mr. Herman’s demonstration on projects, I began to catch on a lot quicker. I actually completed my work in Adobe Photoshop. But in my free time I also began to fool around with a video-making program called Ulead Video Studio. Then it was Mr. Herman’s turn to ask the questions.

            “Hey, what are you doing?”

            “I’m making a video for my you tube account. My brother loaded it in my computer and I figured since I completed my work, I’d work on my videos.”

            I looked at Mr. Herman with a bit of a smile. I was a little nervous, but I had wanted to show him my project. I wanted him to be proud of me.

            He smiled and asked, “What’s the name of the program?”

            “It’s called Ulead Video Studio. Do you want to see my first project?”

            “Sure.” Mr. Herman said with a smile as he sat down beside me.

            I handed him the earphones and he put them on. Then I pressed play and he watched my whole video.

            “That was good.” He said and took off the earphones and went back to his own tasks.

            The class was assigned a project to create an image that would be heat pressed onto a shirt. I used Felix The Cat on mine. With Felix it simply said, “ You never know who likes you…” on the front and “ Until you open you eyes,” on the back.

Soon after this I began to come to his class in the morning time. Before the bell for homeroom even rang. “So, Mr. Herman, what are you going to do today?” I said as I began to draw on the freshly inserted white boards with his markers.

            “I’m getting a Green Screen and dividers to put back here.” Mr. Herman was at the back of the room, moving stuff into a compartment where he stored his equipment.

            “What’s a Green Screen?” I asked.

            “It’s a system that allows you to put a different background or foreground and allows you to add neat camera effects. You can even take your own personal pictures and insert them into the system.”

            Mr. Herman then brought me a piece of paper that said “VIDEO PRODUCTIONS” on the top with a brief description stating that it was going to teach students how to make professional videos.

            “By next year, I will have twenty-three digital cameras,” he said. “I am planning to open a Video Production class. But I have to get at least forty-three people to sign up for the class or else the class won’t make it. I’m inviting you to sign up for this class because I thought you might like it.”

            I smiled and signed my name after the twenty-three students who had already signed up, thus sealing my fate for a very interesting senior year.

            The first day of my senior year, I could hardly wait. I went back to the same routine and stepped into the classroom I loved the most. Mr. Herman stood near a table in a tight white sleeveless shirt. He had a hair drier in one hand and a semi wet T-shirt in the other. He was blow-drying it.

            “ Good morning, Mr. Herman.” I could feel some blush rushing to my face and could only hope it wasn’t noticeable.

            At this point in time, I had honestly developed a crush on Mr. Herman. I had become fond of him and practically idolized him. I knew he was older than me and believe me, nothing extreme happened. It was nothing more then a close bond of friendship.

            Mr. Herman smiled and slipped the semi-wet shirt on, still blow-drying it.
            “Good morning, Daphine.”

            “What happened?” I asked as I laughed a little at him drying his shirt with a hair dryer. I had never seen anybody dry anything but hair with a hair dryer until that day.

            “Mr. Charles turned the hose on down in the mechanic shop before I picked it up and it got me all wet.” Mr. Herman chuckled.

            I laughed along with him and it began our year together.

            During Video Productions class I had the advantage. Once again, completing my work on time, I became a mega help to the students in the room who didn’t understand how to use Video Studio. Mr. Herman embarked on this class without fully knowing how to use Video Studio. So my seat went from the furthest away from him, to sitting right next to him. With my free time, I taught Mr. Herman a lot about the different things you can do with Video Studio.

            Then came the Green Screen, the most exciting new thing he ever invested in. I was proud to be one of the first to fiddle around with it. I was the object at least five studio lights were pointed at.

            “Is it working?” I asked one of my friends.

            “No, we need to make it tighter,” Kyle said, smiling as he and Heather began to pull the lime green fabric against the wall tightly and stapled it against the wall this time. The green screen was now in play and able to be used for the projects to come.

            One of the best things I remember about Video Productions class was when I took a hall pass and a camcorder and then went outside with it. This was not particularly allowed, the doors of the school automatically locked, but I used a pencil to keep it open. I then went and sat under a tree for the whole period. I was relaxing and taping birds flying around in the air. Of course, I brought the camcorder back and put it away when it was almost time to pass class.

            Near the end of the year in May, I showed Mr. Herman my Photography Course and told him that I had enrolled in it. I negotiated with Mr. Herman, and he let me do some of my Photography Course in the morning class I had with him. Then in the afternoon I would go to his room and do my class work during study hall.

            The last day of the month of May, the only thing my class in the morning time had to do was to watch a movie called “Seabiscut”. Some of the students were obnoxious and noisy to the point that Mr. Herman turned the movie off. He told them to write a story that could be turned into a movie. He then told me that I didn’t have to do it.

            So I began to write a plan for a story called “Silentity.” A story about a little girl that had previously lived in the house a young couple had purchased. A mystery surrounded the little girl’s death that screamed to be told. I finished the short form story plan of “Silentity” and gave it to Mr. Herman. Almost immediately, he was captivated by the descriptions I had written and encouraged me to begin writing.

            After this, I spent my last twenty-seven days in school writing as much of “Silentity” as I could. Showing the half I’d written to Mr. Herman, I smiled proudly. He began to read it intently.

            “This is really good, you should show this to your English teacher. You’re really good with your words.” He smiled and handed me back my story.

            Later that day I did show my English teacher the story and he also was impressed. But unfortunately, it was the end of my senior year.

            The last time I saw Mr. Herman was at my graduation. Clean cut and stylish, he wore a navy blue shirt and trousers and a maroon colored tie. He smiled and congratulated me and watched me accept my Diploma.

            There are many types of love. But I can say that I loved him as a friend. At graduation, it made me sad to leave because I knew I would miss school. Mr. Herman will now and always be one of my idols.

 ~ I miss you ~

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Depths Of My Soul


The depths of my soul
is black inside.
And i can never seem
to make things right.
Thare isn't enough
hours in the day to cry.
Thare isn't a moment
that goes by i wish i
wasn't alive.
No matter how happy
i try; the darkness 
comes back and
takes over my life.
I love them so much
with my heart and soul.
I don't think i could ever
say " Goodbye" and
just let go.
But i feel so useless, 
unwanted, unloved.
Rejected, abandoned,
dismembered.
Dead to the world.
Dead to my feelings.
Dead to my haritage.
Dead to life and all
i live for.
My heart has been jaded.
My eyes have grown cold.
I am worth nothing
and in the deepest part of
my soul; the darkness
has rose.
and in the depths of my soul
it is black inside.

Long, Long Ago

It was so very long ago
I saw you and I had to go
I had to find out if you were all right
It was my consoling might
That kept me in your sight
We were vampires father and daughter
It wasn't too long before we became other.
But our chances destroyed
By some one so coy.
You were my best friend I trusted
now until the end
And I was removed
Whipped away like custard.
I was your daughter again
But we all know that came to an end.
But then we were close
I became something for you
I had deemed remote.
I became your slave
And I liked it this way
I was Yours
Yours only
And I thought it wasn't a faze
But it was dropped
Just like a man who just got done
Using his cock
Another end
Only this time never again
It was hard to let go
To see some one he had to hold
But he is happy
Without me.
Now here I go offering wedding my best friend
I know our story is coming rappidly
To a complete end
He’s drifting away; we’re drifting apart
He said something that struck my heart
All of this is fake
Unrealistic
All of this doesn't matter
It’s a pornographic simulation.

I am nothing but a pixilated image
A pixilated sex simulation

I try to speak with you
But you are always too busy
Too busy to talk to me

We are fading quickly like a fire
Would loose it’s flame.
I just wish that you would see that it’s
not
“ just a game”

yet again things have to an end
on her part; she lied
from beginning to end.

i have witnessed all this in the
life we spent and i tried
to tell you i loved you then

i have seen you smile
i have heard you laugh
i have watched you cry
and whipped your tears away
i have seen you mad
i have seen you aroused
i have seen you as my best friend
but alas; even that has come
to an end.

I am a person with a heart and feelings
I am not just a simulation
But I guess now things are at an end
You are happy
And busy
And removed from me in this terrific

Happy never end.

Lost

i'm lost
i'm dead
alone
i cry

i cant
go on
i gave it
a try

i liked allot
i might even loved
i wanted to be yours
but now i cry...
i cry..

i knew you..
i wanted to know..
i gave it a channce..
but i cry..

i tried to show
how much i like
but it got torn away..
and i cry...

i cry..

i kissed 
your lips..
i hugged
your side...
i wished you
was mine..
but all i cen do..
is cry...

i cared..
i was thare..
i listened..
and consoled you..
but right now
i cant help it..
the tears are
stinging my eyes..

i gave you my all..
and you took it way..
you threw it out..
you turned me away..
you broke my heart..
cause i liked you so..
you tore my heart...
hit me straight through..

now i don't feel.
i wont feel..
i wont love or laugh..
i wont kiss or hug..
or even like..

now i wont care...
i wont enjoy..
i will just merely be
a ghost in your path..
a frend; unwanted.
a zero at best..

i wont try.. 
i wont do it again..
i wont let another one in..
my feelings are dead
i can only cry..

my eyes turn cold..
my face turns blank..
my heart runs out..
my soul sank..
my spirit to live is gone..
my hope is deminish..
my wardrobe is black
and i am decrepid.

i cry alone and long and hard.. 
i cry..
i cry...
i cry...
....goodbye.